A manager for the project-ile
You would be forgiven for thinking one has something against project managers. In fact, one does love project managers. Ones that know what a project is and then manage the project properly.
However, one has had a run of unkind fortune with a crop of the sort that defy commonsense in the face of reality and whose balls are too microscopic for observation with a microscope.
Nevertheless, there is a particularly nice person who happens to be yoked to the labour of project management, whose surname would remind you of that man-eating alligator you saw on National Geographic the other day.
His manager is of the view that he has a record of accomplishment of consistently delivering on projects in his care.
The track to ignominy or less
Indeed, he has a track record of delivering because many of the critical ends to his delivery end up on one's desk.
Being one whose personality of extroversion is too intertwined with one's job and professionalism as to be considered unhealthy, these things are done.
One cannot afford to be besmirched by the glowing incompetence of an individual ready to stitch you up for any of his failings.
You have to that one is only a fraction of the majority that cannot stand to countenance the alligator in a professional capacity – or the lack of it.
My civility tested
On more than one occasion, some emails, which might eventually feature as classics of professional put-downs, are cast as pearls to swine to our dear friend without impact; apart from highlighting his tomfoolery.
"This represents that worst set of data one has ever received in relation to data, please sort it out". Said one.
Another said, "We have to work to avoid situations where brinkmanship rules over procedural and methodical processes".
Yet again, "To now foist that error of judgment on me is completely disingenuous. Please reflect and reconsider your purpose and actions".
In a darts competition that would have been maximum points, considering this was circulated to a readership that would have cringed at the bluntness of expression.
Our friend is so thick-skinned he would have prevented the sinking of the Titanic.
I will tell you what is unacceptable
A number of instances have arisen where tin-pot little managers of no importance than heading departments in persistent vegetative state for the lack of creativity and innovative thinking.
Departments populated by a gene pool so diverse from the people who live down your street, it could give credence to evolution – God forbid!
After debunking some flawed and inadequate planning, the reply arrives – "It is unacceptable … Blah! Blah! Blah!
I will tell you what is unacceptable – It is unacceptable that
- You commit to customers without knowing the availability of your deliverables
- You leave out core elements of your project resources and then expect a last minute redress to sort out your mess
- You escalate issues to solve your problems when you should have communicated effectively well before it became an emergency
- You think you can demand goodwill having used up all political capital in pursuit of unachievable goals
- You remain immune to knowledge
Immune to knowledge
Some people are beyond teaching or just cannot learn, when put in charge of projects in which one has deliverables, one falls a victim of unparalleled ineptitude.
Time to see the company shrink – I am stressed!